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Good Morning All:<br>
<br>
First I would like to say thanks to all the women who have provided me
with stories that I will use in monologues during pajama parties and
educational training's. I thank you for trusting me with your stories.<br>
<br>
As we come to the close of the month and the end of Healthy
Relationship Awareness Month, I wanted to pass on some additional tips
and information. I also would like to remind you that one month is not
enough time to focus on relationships - we should always be mindful of
our relationships with others. The Campus Violence Prevention Project
Office has literature twelve months out of the year and has some one
available to assist you in maintaining healthy relationships and
communication. Should you need any of these services please drop by
the office on the first floor of Miller Hall.<br>
<br>
As the months go by.......It may be important to recognize that:<br>
<br>
<b>Relationships Change</b><br>
<br>
Relationships change over time. What you want from a relationship in
the early months of dating may be quite different from what you want
after you have been together for some time. Changes in life outside
your relationship will impact what you want and need from the
relationship. Even positive change tends to be stressful, but change
is inevitable. Welcoming change as an opportunity to enhance the
relationship is more fruitful than trying to keep change from happening.<br>
<br>
<b>Check in Periodically</b><br>
<br>
With this in mind, periodically set aside time to "check in with each
other" on changing expectations and goals. These discussions are
hardly free of anxiety, and it is tempting to postpone them.
Relationships are sometimes compared to boating on a river: Both
partners need to be paddling to stay on course. Couples can find that
if they ignore difficult topics too long, their relationship has
drifted into "rocky water" without their noticing. Strategizing
together about changes can strengthen and deepen the relationship you
ar building. <b>And good communication is key....<br>
<br>
Clarify Your Messages<br>
<br>
</b>A clear message:<br>
1) Involves a respectful but direct expression of your wants and
feelings.<br>
2) Tackles one issue at a time.<br>
<br>
<b>Discuss One Thing at a Time<br>
<br>
</b>Starting out by talking about one concern and then brining up
another when the first discussion is unfinished can also lead to
problems. Do your best to keep the focus on resolving one concern at a
time, even if it is tempting to "list" other concerns or grievances.<br>
<b><br>
Agree to Disagree and Move On<br>
<br>
</b>In discussing "The 10 secrets of happy couples," Maud Purcell,
LCSW, suggests that most couples will encounter some issues upon which
they will never completely agree. Rather than continuing a cycle of
repeated fights, agree to disagree and negotiate a compromise or find a
way o work around the issues.<br>
<br>
<b>Adopt a "Win-Win" Position<br>
<br>
</b>A "win-win" stance means that your goal is for the relationship
rather than either partner to "win" in a conflict situation. This may
mean asking yourself: "Is what I am about to say (or do) going to
increase or decrease the odds that we'll work this problem out?" If
your partner feels bullied, out-talked, or otherwise the "loser" in a
fight, you may win the battle but lose ground in the relationship. A
better approach may be to use "fair fighting" techniques. A "fair
fight" involves a step-by-step strategy for resolving conflict in which
both partners negotiate a mutually acceptable solution to a problem. <br>
<br>
If you need any additional literature or information, please feel free
to drop by the office or give me a call. Here's hoping all your
relationships are "healthy ones" and that you have clear insight into
your goals and hopes for your relationships. Key: Trust, Respect,
Commitment, and Positive Communication - these ingredients can sustain
a relationships and help you to avoid the pitfalls.<br>
<br>
Levenia<br>
918-465-1757<br>
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