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<DIV><SPAN class=515495213-27082002><FONT face=Arial color=#0000ff size=2>A
little humor to brighten a stormy day! </FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<P><FONT face="Courier New" size=2>Pam McConahay</FONT> <BR><FONT
face="Courier New" size=2>Asst. Director, Compliance & Support
Services</FONT> <BR><FONT face="Courier New" size=2>University of Oklahoma
Financial Aid Services</FONT> <BR><FONT face="Courier New" size=2>731 Elm, Rm
125 Norman OK 73019-2111</FONT> <BR><FONT face="Courier New" size=2>(405)
325-4617 Fax (405) 325-7608</FONT> <BR><FONT face="Courier New"
size=2>pmcconahay@ou.edu</FONT> </P>
<DIV> </DIV>
<P><FONT face=arial,helvetica><FONT lang=0 face=Arial size=2
FAMILY="SANSSERIF">Southern Football vs. Northern Football<BR></FONT></FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=arial,helvetica><FONT lang=0 face=Arial size=2
FAMILY="SANSSERIF">Women's Accessories: <BR>NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and
a $20 bill in the front pocket. <BR>SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two
lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary -
that's what dates are for. <BR><BR>Stadium Size: <BR>NORTH: College football
stadiums hold 20,000 people. <BR>SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold
20,000 people. <BR><BR>Fathers: <BR>NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand
Sylvia Plath. <BR>SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
<BR><BR>Campus Decor: <BR>NORTH: Statues of founding fathers. <BR>SOUTH: Statues
of Heisman trophy winners. <BR><BR>Homecoming Queen: <BR>NORTH: Also a physics
major. <BR>SOUTH: Also Miss America. <BR><BR>Heroes: <BR>NORTH: Rudy Giuliani
<BR>SOUTH: Paul "Bear" Bryant <BR><BR>Getting Football Tickets: <BR>NORTH: 5
days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and pur! chase
tickets. <BR>SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on
campus and put name on waiting list for tickets. <BR><BR>Friday Classes After a
Thursday Night Game: <BR>NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to
the game, because they have classes on Friday. <BR>SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday
classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might
actually make it to class. <BR><BR>Parking: <BR>NORTH: An hour before game time,
the University opens the campus for game parking. <BR>SOUTH: RVs sporting their
school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really
faithful arrive on Tuesday. <BR><BR>Game Day: <BR>NORTH: A few students party in
the dorm and watch ESPN on TV. <BR>SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for
breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get
on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is
never broadcast from the! ir campus. <BR><BR>Tailgating: <BR>NORTH: Raw meat on
a grill, beer wi th lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck
tailgate down. <BR>SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn.
Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Hootie and the Blowfish," who come
over during breaks<BR>and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon. <BR><BR>Getting
to the Stadium: <BR>NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you
walk right in. <BR>SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it
becomes the state's third largest city. <BR><BR>Concessions: <BR>NORTH: Drinks
served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda. <BR>SOUTH: Drinks served in
a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with
soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon. <BR><BR>When National Anthem is Played:
<BR>NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
<BR>SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.
<BR> <BR>The Smell in the Air After the First Score! : <BR>NORTH: Nothing
changes. <BR>SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon. <BR><BR>Commentary
(Male): <BR>NORTH: "Nice play." <BR>SOUTH: "@#$%^^$, you slow &@#$%!
&@#$ tackle him and break his legs!" <BR><BR>Commentary (Female): <BR>NORTH:
"My, this certainly is a violent sport." <BR>SOUTH: "@#$%^^$, you slow
&@#$%! &@#$ tackle him and break his legs!"<BR><BR>Announcers:
<BR>NORTH: Neutral and paid. <BR>SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in
the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.
<BR><BR>After the Game: <BR>NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game
ends. <BR>SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to
the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next week's
game. <BR><BR>Conclusion: <BR>Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway
close to the glories of Southern football.</FONT></P></FONT></BODY></HTML>