[Eoscstudents] Healthy Relationship Awareness

[Levenia Carey]

Hello Everyone:

We are almost midway through the month and much of the focus has been 
placed on unhealthy relationships.  I felt that it was essential to 
place a great deal of time on that subject, because if it were not for 
the impact of unhealthy relationships, there would be no need to 
heighten awareness about positive/healthy relationships.  So now that we 
have thrown away the core and seeds we can begin to enjoy the fruit.  If 
you look at statistics for relationships (or anything - health, etc.) 
you will soon recognize that they leave you feeling hopeless and wonder 
if it is even worth pursuing.  So statistics are great if you are 
looking for grant money, but in life - they don't mean a great deal 
(because you have to look at who took the survey and see what your 
commonalties are with that group, if there are any).  Relationships are 
worth pursuing and yes, whether you or male or female (there are a lot 
of toads along the road to finding the perfect mate.) 

I blame Walt Disney (but I must say I think he is impostor and that the 
themes were selected by a woman - only a female mind would strive for or 
even expect it should be possible) for offering ....and they lived 
happily ever after.  The themes for the books and movies show that no 
matter what walk of life you come from the books can be balanced and a 
poor girl can win the heart of a prince by the touch of her hand or a 
lost slipper.  Hello - how many prince go looking for his perfect match 
in the slums - they don't even mingle with the rest of us in reality.  
But we all hope for the magic.  That there is that one person and no 
matter how far we are apart, our hearts will find each other.  Reality 
says - this could be possible, but for the vast majority of us we have 
to go into the trenches and use select-a-vision and weed out the 
undesirable mates (even those who look good, but who act like.....well, 
you feel in the blank with your favorite thought or expression).

I know from personal experience that you can find that person.  I have 
many friends, colleagues, co-workers and family members who have found 
that person.  There are some good statistics though rarely researched on 
lasting relationships.  What is the key to success in a relationship?  I 
would like to offer this week a few suggestions that I feel are "key" 
ingredients to successful relationships.  Key #1 - Commitment.  This 
word is often used out of context and is weak - however,  it is a strong 
term.  It has a lot of undertone that is necessary for lasting 
relationships.  When one commits to something that means that they are 
in it for the long haul.  When you are in something for the long haul - 
that means you have to go with the flow - when it is good, enjoy it.   
When it is bad - nurture it, but stick to it.  The weed out program in 
relationships is for when you are deciding what you want in a mate 
(money, fame, looks, clean bill of health - mental and physical, body 
build, some one you can talk too, someone who will love you and accept 
you, etc.)  and is meant to happen prior to commitment and marriage.  In 
the movies they get through love, commitment, oops I made a mistake, 
divorce, recommitment to another person all in the time frame of two 
hours or less.  We often try to duplicate that in our own lives, but we 
forget - the people in the movies came with a script that told them what 
to say, when to say it and how to get the ah....moments.  In life people 
don't come with scripts and you don't have the right to write another 
person's life line.  You have to recognize that there will be good 
times, sad times and even bad times.  That everyone is human and not 
everyday do we wake up feeling good about ourselves or even you.  That 
you can make a mountain out of a mole hill or you can recognize that not 
every battle ends in war and no one has to get injured or scarred.  YOU 
must learn that defeat doesn't mean you lose, it means that you 
survive.  A real relationship is worth holding on to and that means that 
you have to nurture it.  You don't run when it isn't good (low finances, 
lost jobs, hurt feelings, illnesses, etc.) you stay committed to it and 
together the two are stronger and they survive.  Isn't good - and 
Unhealthy are two different things (safety is always a must).  Remember 
that feelings heal quickly if not given time to fester.  Think back to 
when you were a child and would fight with a neighbor kid, you got mad, 
you went to your own home, took all your toys and a couple of hours 
later you were lonely and wanted the companionship and you forgot the 
argument that sent you to your own corner of the room and the two of you 
once again were best buds and playing.  That is how it should work in a 
relationship - you go to your corner and they go to there's and then you 
come back together and things are as they should be).  Fight and flight 
are for safety not for the easy way out.

I apologize for the long email, but it is necessary to get the point 
across. Tomorrow we will look at Key ingredient #2.  Here's to 
commitment and staying the course even when life throws you a curve, if 
you stay the course the road will straighten again. 

Don't forget to Be My Valentine and join me at the clock tower on 
Wednesday between 10:30 - 1:00 p.m.  Thanks for the e-mails and 
support.    Until tomorrow....
Levenia
918-465-1757