[Eoscstudents] Healhty Relationship Awareness

[Levenia Carey]

Good Morning Everyone:

Do you have friends or family members that seem to have it all together 
and give you great advice?  Ever wonder if they heed their own words?  
The great thing about window shopping or meddling is that you can do it 
vicariously - and if you make a fashion no-no or give bad advice you 
never have to deal with the results.  Keep that in mind the next time 
you have some one with great intentions and whom you think knows you.  
Knowing you and knowing the ins and outs of your relationship are two 
distinctively different things - keep them that way.  Here are some 
other tips I hope will be useful.

REWARDS For Conquering Our Fears of Getting Close

If we learn to communicat effectively with others and are willing to 
risk sharing our own feelings and respect other's feelings, many rewards 
will await us as we learn to get close to another person.

Obviously, a very special relationship. Getting close means you can need 
someone else and he/she can need you. It means when you feel discouraged 
or upset, someone is there to comfort and care about you, and you can do 
likewise.

You acquire faith in yourself, faith in others, and an ability to be 
faithful to others. It enables you to live fully in the present and to 
have meaning and purpose for your own existence.

You become more sensitive to yourself, with choices about how, when, and 
where you wish to share your feelings. You KNOW when you are 
experiencing love, joy, anger, etc.

The Art Of Communication

When people are asked what the most important ingredients in a 
relationship are, communication almost always is on the list. Yet we 
rarely are taught HOW to communicate effectively. Communication with 
others boils down to either expressing ourselves or responding to 
someone else. Yet the methods for doing each are quite different.

Expressing Ourselves

When you are stating an opinion, making an observation, or expressing a 
feeling, the most appropriate format to use is called an "I-statement." 
You may even hopefully be already using them.

I-statements allow us to state things in positive terms, to express 
ourselves directly and honestly, and to take responsibility for what we 
think, feel, and need while avoiding blaming or accusing others. In 
contrast, "You-statements" blame the other person, put him/her on the 
defensive, and often cause communication to be blocked. To simplify 
things, we can use a kind of "formula" for I-statements:

    * "I feel/think/want (express the feeling/thought/desire)... When
      (state the behavior causing it)...
    * Because (identify the reason)..."

The nice thing about this formula is that we can decide how much of it 
we want to use. It can be just the first one, or the first two lines, or 
all three.

Use what you can - throw out the rest.  There are no full proof methods 
for anything, just great suggestions that have proven effective in other 
situations.  I'm here if you need or desire someone to talk things over 
with.  Have a wonderful day.

Levenia
918-465-1757


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