[Oasfaa] HUM: Missouri Tourism

[Mc Conahay, Pamela K]

Got this from Dan Holt, who lives in Missouri, but I 
couldn't believe he forgot to send it to our favorite 
Missourian, Bruce Webber.  Bruce, I'm sharing just to make sure 
everyone knows how to behave if they visit your home (Mexico....Mexico, MO)

Pam McConahay
Asst Dir., Compliance & Support Svcs
University of Oklahoma Financial Aid Services
731 Elm, Rm 125, Norman OK 73019-2111
(405) 325-4617, fax (405) 325-7608
pmcconahay at ou.edu 



Missouri Tourism Commission Bulletin: This list of rules will be handed to
each person as they enter the state.

1.  That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than
you'll do all week at work or at the gym.  How'd you like to go home and
tell your momma you got your butt kicked by a redneck in bib overalls?

2.  It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going
to get dust on your BMW.  I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive
your foreign car or get it out of the way.

3.  We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we
saw Bambi.  We got over it.

4.  Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your
butt kicked...by our women.

5.  Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod.  Don't cry to us if a
flathead breaks it off at the handle.  We have a name for those little 13
inch trout you fish for...bait.

6.  Pull your pants up.  You look like an idiot.

7.  If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final approach, we will shoot it.  You might hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.

8.  That's right.  Whiskey is only Ten bucks.  We can buy a fifth for what
you paid for a shot in the airport.

9.  The MU Tigers are as important here as the Lakers aad the Knicks...and a
dang sight more fun to watch.

10.  No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu.  Order steak. Order it
rare.  Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham
and turkey.  Yeah, we have sweet tea.  It comes in a glass with two packets
of sugar and a long spoon.

11.  You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over
ice.

12.  So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car.  We're real impressed.  We
have quarter-of-a-million-dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

13.  Let's get this straight.  We have one stoplight in town.  We stop when
it's red.  We may even stop when it's yellow.

14.  Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks-because they want to.  So,
you're a feminist.  Isn't that cute.

15.  Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too-and turtle.  You really want sushi and
caviar?  It's available at the bait shop.

16.  They are pigs.  That's what they smell like.  Get over it.  Don't like
it? Interstate 70 goes two ways- Pick one.

17.  The "Opener" refers to the first day of quail season.  It's a religious
holiday held the first of November.  You can get breakfast at the church.

18.  So every person in every pickup waves.  It's called being friendly.
   Understand the concept?

19.  Yeah, we have golf courses.  Don't hit in the water hazards.  It spooks
the fish.

Now, enjoy your visit and then go home.